He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! It also isn’t really funny after the first couple of times you see it on on the quote boards. That way you can fall asleep at night.” 56. It's funny how good memories can make you cry,
The rest I spent foolishly.” “I was going to sue for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character.” “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” 13. I beat people up.”“God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.”“The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.”“It’s always darkest before the dawn. ‘Just not these four. A selection of Funny Quotes which use sarcastic humor that will make your friends and family burst out with laughter.
It is already tomorrow in Australia.” 16. “When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard”, I am always tempted to ask, “Compared to what?”” 24.
but the funniest part of all, is that none of that is funny to me.Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.Mom: Your great aunt just passed away. Erma Bombeck: "Marriage has no guarantees. But lets be honest they trash the house, drink all the milk in the place, cry the place down all night and anyway…they smell !Very nice collections of quotes I liked it very much so thanks for sharing very positive motivational quotes and keep posting.Funny, witty, and wise.
There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”“We are all here on earth to help others. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” 57. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” 49.
it's funny how friends can just leave when you're down,
Instantly.”“A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”“Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female.”“As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.”“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.”“The cure for boredom is curiosity. Funny quotes on pessimism “The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.” —George Will, columnist I sent that to everyone I thought it meant lots of love. “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow! I'm funny on camera sometimes. I have to call everyone back oh God.The problem with loving is that pets don't last long enough and people last too long.I haven't had sex in so long I am considering becoming a born again virgin.Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. '” “One of my biggest fears is that I’ll marry into a family that runs 5Ks on holidays.” “Mapquest really needs to start its directions on number five. … Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.
“A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” 51.